My Rather Long Absence

Friends! I have been gone for awhile! Close to 3 months. I have missed blogging so much, so I am glad to return.
Shall I explain my absence?
You see, I tried to continue blogging around Robert and I split up, but it was quite difficult. I needed some time.
So, I stopped blogging and went on with my life. During this time period, Andrew and I moved in together, along with Caelyn, in June. For some people, they may freak and say that is so soon to move in together, but we are so happy! I guess maybe Andrew was right when he said we were meant to be together.. way back in high school!

So, Caelyn and I moved in with him and it has been wonderful.
Onto Robert... You won't see me mentioning him much in any future blog posts, except for random times because... he is not in Caelyn's life. I am sure I will post my feelings on this later, but it is extremely difficult. He himself has made this decision despite me begging for him to be in her life. He has told me that once Andrew and I marry, he wants to give up parental rights and allow Andrew to adopt Caelyn.
Oh well.. It is impossible to change his mind once it is set.

Meet Buddy!
We got him on the 4th of July. He was 14 months old. We love him! He is Caelyn's partner in crime, he is our second child, and the biggest baby ever! He is such an amazing addition to our family! We are truly blessed to have found such a perfect dog for our family.

Here is our first baby, the most precious one!

Caelyn is 18, almost 19, months old. She has an ever-growing vocabulary. She is just amazing! She cracks Andrew and I up on a daily basis and is such a loving little child.

I start school, my last year, on the 30th of this month and I am soooo dreading it!

But.. last year and I can do it.

Now, onto blogging... the name of this blog will probably change, who knows. I do plan on switching directions for it slightly. I plan on doing a lot of posting on budgets, cheap but yummy recipes (I love cooking even more lately!!), my ever-growing faith, and relationship/family life. I have many ideas and I hope to really work and expand this blog to its full potential.

Spring Semester of School

Wow, I feel so overwhelmed and busy right now! I am surprised I even remembered to blog about it!

Monday the 17th I began the 2011 spring semester of school. It is kind of bitter sweet because this was the semester I was supposed to be graduating from if I had not changed my major too late and tacked on an extra year! Bummer. I look at May 2011 and kind of get sad because I should be done, but I will instead graduate May 2012.

I like school, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my history courses which is why I love my history major. I love education, which I why I love my education courses, but I HATE being away from Caelyn. She is MY child; I don't want anyone else watching her but her parents and that can't happen while I am in school.

I am taking 6 courses, 17 credit hours, I am jammed pack. But, I am just trying to stay organized, stay on top of things and just hope my daughter doesn't get upset that she is without me for so long. I keep looking at it like, I have like 3 1/2months of it then I have my daughter to myself for basically May-August. Thats great. I have to just push forward to that. It will come and come soon, I know!

Hey Lady Upstairs...

Living in an apartment has clear disadvantages. While, the rent is nice and not having to fix anything yourself is great, having someone live above you SUCKS.

You see, we are on clearly different schedules. I never hear her talk. She works weird hours and comes in when we are all going to sleep. She takes a shower at night and I always keep my fingers cross that she won't wake up Caelyn with her showering.
But, she wakes up late because she gets in late. Our apartments are set up in almost the same formats with her bathroom over mine and her bedroom over mine.

I really do like her, she is such a nice lady who lost her daughter a few years ago. She has a son who is a little younger than us. I wish that I could remind her that we do have a little baby down here who sleeps. Not saying that she is ALWAYS loud or something, but vacuuming at 1pm may seem like a good idea to a single lady, but 1pm is prime naptime! 1pm my girl is sound asleep and the running of a vacuum wakes her up.

I would never say anything because she never actually causes issues, besides sounds that she can't control. But, it makes me look forward to the days that we have our own home. I dream of it. Now that we are engaged and officially starting our lives together, I have began to dream of what we are going to do. I am so excited and I can't wait to be able to get a home of our own!
In the mean time.. I am hoping she moves her vacuuming to like 10am, when we are all awake and not sleeping!

To Clip or Not to Clip

I don't think that I have ever mentioned that Caelyn is tongue tied! Weird, huh? lol

Well, we had spoke to the ENT when she was about 2 weeks old and decided that we would clip her tongue at a year old unless there was problems with her eating. She has always ate fine and is developing fine.
Well, a year old is creeping up on us fast! On the 28th, she will be 11 months and from there, we have about 3 weeks until her appointment to determine the clipping.

The more I have been thinking about it, the more that I have decided NOT to clip her tongue. This isn't a decision I come to lightly at all. I realize that not clipping her tongue COULD lead to possible speech problems, but I also know it is a procedure that can be done at any point in her life. It is an "easy" fix.
The biggest issue I have WITH clipping is that the procedure will be done under general, not local, and I have a lot of issues coming out of general. I recently had a biospy and when I came out of it, my BP dropped really low and I was sick to my stomach and ended up staying in the hospital for an extra few hours. Also, I don't believe in doing something like this when it is not truly needed.
So far, she eats great. We have no problems with any kinds of food. She is quite obviously gaining weight! She babbles and says a few words, along with making a lot of additional pronunciations. For example, she can say her "R's" she walks around saying rara, rara. She just hasn't learned a word with the r yet. I really wish she would say mama, she has before but not on any kind of regular basis.

We made the decision tonight not to clip and just to watch her speech very closely. If she shows any signs of being delayed or having a problem, we will immediately get it clipped, but why fix it now? I have also heard that if she learns to speak with it, she might have trouble relearning her sounds because her tongue would be moving differently!

Oh, the decisions of parenthood! Have any of you experienced this before?

A Stark Realization

This post has been floating in my mind a lot and just how I was going to put this isn't words without this post being completely depressing, but I feel like it is needed.

Lately, I have witnessed a few times over how quickly life can changed and jut how fragile life is. It has made me appreciate my child a lot more lately and, at the same time, wish to God that I could put her into a safe bubble from the rest of the world.

In the beginning of December, a young girl at Franciscan ran a stop sign without wearing a belt. She was hit by a car and was ejected from the car and pinned. She fought hard for her life, but in the end, she passed away, leaving her friends and family heartbroken and devastated. If only... if only a seatbelt had been used. The doctors had said she was brain dead, there was so much trauma to her brain..

A few days ago I read a story online on a blog I read sometimes. A little boy, almost 2 years old, died when a dresser fell over and hit his head. He died from massive brain trauma. A baby - he was not even 2. Too young to die.

On diaperswappers, another nice mother lost her child about 3 days ago during his sleep. They are saying it is because of the space heater.

I just now opened another blog I sometimes read to find that her precious young boy was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer in his kidneys and lungs. He is 5.

Life is so fragile, even for those that are young. I feel as if everywhere I turn and everywhere I read I am reminded of just how short life can be. It seems so cruel. But, because of this, I am looking at my child in a different manner. Right now, she is laying on the ground, cuddling a pillow. The thought of losing her breaks my heart into pieces and I can't imagine the pain that these parents are suffering. It must be like losing a piece of your soul, being ripped from you with such force that you yourself wants to die as well. I can only imagine because I never want to experience it myself and I pray to God that I never do.
I keep these families in my prayers right now during the holidays.

This post was for myself because it has been bouncing around in my mind. But, the next time you go to yell at your child because they are doing something they probably shouldn't, take a second and wonder, is it worth it? I know sometimes we are caught up in the moment, but in the end, I would hope I would never look back and say.. I never spent enough time hugging her, I never played with her enough, I yelled too much. Instead of yelling, hug that child that is misbehaving. Instead of being upset at the 3rd time that baby has woken up, be glad that you are able to hold and rock that precious being.
This holiday season, I ask you all to really appreciate those around you, because life is short, life can have terrible unexpected turns. Love those around you.
I am off to love these two people who are watching Netflix on the floor.

Baby, Its Cold!

We woke up yesterday to the first snowfall, it just happened to be December 1st. Perfect! I love the first snow. Winter is beautiful, minus the cold.

I love winter though, because of the things it represents to me. When I think winter I think.. warm. Ok, duh.... Bethany, its cold outside, how is that warmth? But.. let me explain.
When it is cold outside, the things inside turn warm. The heat gets cranked a bit, candles are lit more so the house is full of yummy scents. Drinks turn to hot tea and cappuccinos at night as I curl up with a new book or spend hours searching the internet for the next recipe to try for the next day.
It means Christmas is getting closer, which means baked cookies and lots of cooking.
It means the meals I make become... warmer and more hearty. Seeing, sesame noodle salad? That, my friends, I leave for spring or summer. Winter? We need thick chilis, chicken tortilla soups, meatballs, and meatloafs. Lots of mashed potatoes are needed with tons of gravy. Warmth - heat - the food that warms the belly and the soul.
Yes, I love winter... speaking of which, I need to clean off the kitchen table and light the sugar cookie candles - yum!


Alright, so with the oneset of winter, what was dinner tonight? Meatloaf. But, not just any meatloaf because I have made quite a few meatloafs. You see, I have been on a quest to find the perfect one. Some aren't flavorful enough, some are too soggy or too dry. Its hard to get the perfect meatloaf!
Well recently, I found a great meatloaf recipe at The Pioneer Woman. Its called "My Favorite Meatloaf" and I figured, if it is good enough for PW then it must be good enough for me.
What makes this dish special?
A few things really stick out in my mind.
I really like that she soaks the bread in milk and adds it to the recipe. Most call for the bread to be under the meatloaf to soak the grease, speaking of which, this is cooked on a broiler pan so you don't need to do the whole loaf pan, just in a loaf shape. The ingredients are very simple.
I like the sauce used overtop - ketchup, brown sugar, dry mustard, and tabasco.. Basic, yet yummy. The best part? The layer of bacon overtop of the loaf, under the sauce. That adds this crispy yet yummy, even kind of sweet, taste to the meatloaf that kicks it in the butt.
Yes, my friends, I found the perfect meatloaf. No doubt I will continue to work with it, improve it, but it is now in my recipe box - the "box" that I pull out meals for our family from. It was Robert approved, so thats a good sign.

Now that I introduced you to the best meatloaf, I hope you go to her site and try it out. Her recipes are yummy and I can spend hours there, envious of her and drooling over the recipes.
I have to admit, PW is what I dream of - homesteading, ranching, living in the middle of nowhere, homeschooling, cooking. Am I jealous of her? Slightly, even though I try not to be.

Now.. I am going to go finish diaper laundry, make myself some tea, and maybe some cinnamon bread, shall I dare?

Coming To An End

Thursday is my last day of classes for the semester - Yippee! But, with the ending of classes comes finals - not so Yippee!

I am getting nervous.
You see, my grades are all over the board this semester.
My education class is an A - I loved the class and it was taught wonderfully.
My economic class, well, I will be lucky to pull a D out. I, in all of my years of school, have never prayed for a D, but that is what I am doing right now. A D will allow me to pass! I just honestly am not good a math, or anything that has any kind of numbers in it. I just can't wrap my head around them. Plus, my teacher is not the best teacher. I don't like that assignments are due online all of the time. We are using an online program and the first half of the semester we were just left on our own to do the assignments before we got to class, then he taught us. Well then he changed it so he taught the lesson, we did the assignment, then the next class we reviewed. I would have preferrred them due after we reviewed. Oh well, I can't be the best at all classes, right?
My two history courses - I will probably pull a B in the European history class and hopefully a B or C in my Russian history class, depends on the grade of the paper we had to write that took me forever to write!
My anthropology class.. well.. maybe a D or C, depends on how well I do on the final and my last take home final.

I just hate school and my classes this semester were terrible. Next semester will hopefully be better. I did nothing different this semester - I take great notes, I pay attention in class (90% of the time! Sometimes I doze.. but come on, I am a tired college student plus a momma!), sometimes I really attribute my grades to the teacher. My teacher for anthropology is the #1 worse teacher I have ever had. EVER. I can't believe he still has a job. He doesn't even teach!

Ah well, I will live.
When I stress about grades, I just center myself and remind myself... While grades matter, in 10 years, this class will not mean anything. What will matter is my family.

I am trying to focus on my family.
Caelyn is sick, so this makes it even harder. Trying to study and such with a sick kiddo is tough. They need to teach one how to do that in school! Who need all of this stupid economics crap? I want a class that teaches me things that matter - like how to cook a good piece of chicken, and how to deglaze with wine! I want a class that teaches me to knit. Oh, how about one that teaches how to do laundry? I like to separate mine, do you?
Seriously - in the game that is life - the quantity of money supply in the Real GDP really doesn't mean crap.
I needed that off of my chest!

I am going to go scream in my pillow and imagine I am beating up all of the bullies that are economics.

Ay Ay Ay!

Wake up! To me that is, I tell you, blogging has been the last thing lately on my mind. Why? Because my life is a whirlwind of crazy, but let me tell you, I shall always keep you up to date.

This blog is not only for you and me, but it is for my baby. It is a baby book, in a way.. I documented best here..

So, lets talk about what has happened lately.

Caelyn is walking! Yes! You read it right! She is almost 10 months (on the 28th) and she has been walking for about a month, but is finally getting really great at it.
I can't believe it. 9 months is so early to walk!
Oh, and I should mention that with walking came a diva attitude. Robert says she is like her mother, but I don't think so. She has just begun to realize her wants and when she doesn't get those wants, well.. it is a tantrum. But, all in good fun I suppose, I just smile and pick her up, because for right now, that works.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow and it really has me thinking, What am I thankful for this year? The answer is so simple, Caelyn, but yet the result of the birth of my beautiful baby is anything but simple.
She has transformed me, completely. I knew I could be a mother, to me, it is nothing complicated, but she made me realize who I am. How can such a little being open my eyes to who I truly am?
It is simply amazing. I found a side of myself I never knew existed and I love it. This side loves crafts like crocheting and sewing, along with learning to knit. I love to cook, because it is so satisfying to sit down and watch Robert love the meal I made for him. Caelyn is starting to eat table food, so seeing her pleasure in the dishes makes cooking even more wonderful. I learned about my green side - the cloth side. I realize I hate to have people expect things from me when what they expect isn't even what I want for myself. It is difficult to please if I don't want to do it. She has taught me patience, but I am slowly learning more everyday. She showed me love. Nothing is more amazing than a baby walking to me, putting her arms around my neck and kissing my cheek. It is pure bliss and amazingness.

I love my life.

So, this Thanksgiving, I am thankful for everything.
I think we should all be thankful for our health, as I know people who are dying. We should be thankful to be here to see our family, as some of my family members, like Robert's mother, are unable to be here with us. Be thankful this year.

I can't wait to post pictures of her first Thanksgiving, so be prepared for some picture overload tomorrow!

Where I Am Failing

I am slacking in areas of my life and I am truly struggling. Mostly, I am struggling with school. Previously, I really thought that having a newborn and being a full time student was hard.
I miss those days! She stayed where I put her.
Now, I am truly struggling. How can I study for a class and watch my daughter at the same time? It SOUNDS easy, but trust me, its not. Every 2 minutes she is doing something she shouldn't. She is finding something somewhere, who knows where, to put into her mouth that she shouldn't.
What is more important? Making sure my baby is safe and sound, or studying for a class that I truly have no interest in anymore.

I think it comes down to my priorities have changed 100% and I get irritated when people don't understand that.
I remember when my goal was to become a teacher and family and being a SAHM was last. Now, I don't WANT to be a teacher anymore. I want to be a mother, goddamnit. Why can't anyone else but me understand that? I am only finishing this up so no one can jump all over me and criticize me for not going through with college.
I want to be a mother, a damn good one, a homemaker, a wife, a Christian woman. I know what God wants me to do and this is it. This is what my heart wants me to do, to be. Its a calling that pulls at every part of my being and yet, no one understands that.
"Stay focused on the goal." Well if you want me to focus on my goal, that doesn't involve this. This is YOUR goal for me, but NOT my goal for me. Is this hard to understand or comprehend that because of my daughter, the most amazing blessing in my life, my life, priorities, goals, and dreams have changed? I don't think so.

I am struggling with my goal - to be a supermom.
I hate economics. I have midterm on Thursday I am worried about.
I received an email from my teacher about my 20th Century Europe midterm grade - an 80% B because I need to explain in more detail the significance of things. The email made me feel terrible, like a failure, for a B!
I received a D on my anthropology class and honestly, that class is such a joke that I don't even care anymore. The teacher is a joke and is getting paid to do nothing and not even teach us ANYTHING. That makes me mad - He stands there not speaking of anything to do with the class then gives us a test that a bunch of us don't do well on. Why? because you don't teach us anything.

Ok, so I know I need to finish college, but then everyone is like you will graduate and get a job. No, you're wrong. I will graduate and be a wife, if not prior to graduation. I will graduate, Robert & I will more than likely buy a house somewhere, and settle down, get pregnant again. This is what we want for our family.
Maybe I am old fashioned, who would figure? Robert is the man of the house, the "bread-winner," etc. Me? I am the wife, the mom, the homemaker, the core of it all. Thats how it is supposed to be, in my eyes. This is what I want. Is it hard to understand? I don't think so.

Oh well, I suppose as long as I understand, who cares right?

Things To Come!!

Well, Robert has his interview today.. and is hired pending the results of his drug test! I could do a little dance right now!
Last night, I was worried, just thinking about money.. But now? I am just looking at it all as another step in our life as a family, an adventure almost. I just know things will work out.
I spent some time in prayer/thoughts and just came out of it with a sense of peace and just realized.. I am stressing about what has yet to come.
This is my chance to try my hand at being super frugal - which is great for our family actually! I have thought about it and decided to start cooking from scratch as much as possible. I have found some amazing ideas on diaperswappers.com and different websites like Hillbillyhousewife and a few others!
This will be a healthier, more budget friendly option for us.

As I said, this is just another adventure in our life together as a family, and I see it as another step towards being an "official" family if you know what I mean!!! Yes, my friends, that is coming up and I can feel it too!

One another note, Caelyn was 8 months old today. That baby is the light of my life - I love her beyond words. We got a taste of what his schedule will be like. He was home around the time he would be home with this job and honestly, it was great! I can tell how much Caelyn loves Robert being around him so much. We love to play and hang out, have dinner together, and just have fun. She is so much happier when we both are here, so I know the nights to come will be wonderful.

I currently am loving life!

Things Are Changing

I think the number one thing that SUCKS about growing up is the worry of money. When you are young, it might as well grow on trees. Now that I am older, I would kill for a money tree.

Robert has an interview tomorrow for a job, a real job that has a real paycheck.. He starts off making $10 an hour.. He hasn't been hired yet, but my friend works there and basically said he is in.. so we are keeping our fingers crossed.
While the job has some great perks to it such as set hours, overtime, benefits package, and paid vacations, the negative is it is less than what he makes now. I feel like in the end, it will balance out since with the restaurant business coming to its peak season, I will be making more than usual.. I only work one day this weekend, but in general, I work two days a weekend.. If things are tight, I can work 3 days.
This basically means that.. 1) I thank God that I cloth diaper! 2) I do have to make sure I work 2 days a week 3) I need to set a tight budget and stick to it and 4) more couponing than ever before!
With this job, he can also take night classes, get a certification to weld, and in the end, better our family life, but I know this is going to be tight..

Tell me it is going to be worth it! This month he made like 2500.. this job.. he will probably only make 1300.. I have to stop spending! But, that pay isn't normal..

Ok, stop complaining.. I am thankful for this great chance to have a better job to better our family when so many people out there do not even have a job!

I want to be supermom

First of all, I am back. I am sorry for the month delay. I started classes up again and really needed to get into the groove of things. I am sure you all missed me sooooo much! But, I am back, but in a more stressed out form of my former self.

Being a mother and a full time student is like having two full time jobs. It is extremely difficult. I definitely struggle. I feel like my plate is overfilled with things that I need to do and what I WANT to do. I need to still do things that I want to do otherwise; I know I will not be a happy person. I have picked up crocheting and I love it. I am about 1/4^th finished making Caelyn an afghan. I am making pillows for our couch and Halloween colored tutus for Caelyn and Elsa. Crafting is something I truly enjoy.

My plate is full, as I said before. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have only one class which goes from 12 to 12:50. These are good days for me. Generally, my grandma comes over or she goes to her friend’s house down the road to play for an hour. Tuesday and Thursday are long days. My day starts at 6:30 when I wake up. I start class at 8am and I finish at 2pm.
Lets not forget that every day generally includes…. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, studying, homework, feeding the baby, cooking breakfast/lunch/dinner, giving baths, and going insane. Its just a long day in general. And somewhere in there, I fit time to sit down and crochet, surf Diaperswappers.com, and check my facebook. I make grocery trips frequently because I would rather take multiple quick ones than one that takes 2 hours.

As the title of this post says, I really wish that I was supermom. I wish my house was spotless, laundry and dishes always done. I wish my house was perfectly decorated with tons of crafts that I have made myself. I wish I could dress Caelyn in outfits I made for her. I wish I could create perfectly balanced meals for our family. I wish I could start my day at 7am and not be exhausted. I wish I wasn’t a night owl that can’t fall asleep before midnight. I forgot to mention that I wish I was the perfect partner also. With everything else on my plate, my responsibilities to Robert fall to the bottom of the list. It is unfortunate but I think he realizes how much I love him. I want to make dinner for him and create a beautiful home for him. Trust me, I could eat Wendy’s everyday; I don’t need to make dinner for myself!

Ok, now that I have ranted and raved I hope to expand to some giveaways, but we will see how that goes. I also am going to include some personal reviews of items I have picked up and used, especially different diaper brands! I know that a lot of you lovely readers use cloth diapers for your kids, so I plan on including some reviews to show you new diapers.

Ok, that is the end of this post. I am going to go try to be supermom. When I figure out the trick and how to truly be supermom, I will let you know. If you know how to become so, please let me know. I will forever be in your debt.

Another Year Older

Well, yesterday, July 19th, I turned 21. The big 21 - uh oh. It definitely was not what I pictured. I'm not sure if I imagined confetti coming down from the heavens to celebrate the day that the USA finally deems me mature enough to handle a beer. I really believe that a lower drinking age would lead to less DUIs and drunken accidents. Anyway, I didn't feel different; I didn't feel older. I never pictured turned 21 and being a mother. I always pictured my 21st birthday to be a day that I got so drunk that I blacked out (as I had done in high school) but it wasn't like that.
My mother watched Caelyn for us, but didn't keep her overnight - we never asked, so I'm not sure if she would have anyway.
Robert and I went up to Pittsburgh to have dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. I adore that place. I was finally able to order my first legal drink - a delicious Sour Apple Martini - and she didn't card me. Bust. I was so excited to whip out my legal license. Whatever! So, I had 2 $10 Martinis. Robert almost died when I saw that price on the bill! We had a yummy dinner, cheesecake, 2 martinis for me and a mixed drink for him and we were ready to go. I love spending time with him. We do get time together - but hardly ever when we are alone and out.
So, we drove home and went to The Ville, the restaurant where I work at and drank until like 10:30-11 when we had to go home because my mom was tired and wanted to go home to go to bed. Which I was ok with because I was tipsy. I haven't drank in so long that I am a lightweight.
All in all.. I had 3 martinis, a margirita on the rocks and a bud light lime. That equals tipsy and feeling good to me.

Folks, I'm legal - watch out!

Being Prepared

Now, I am in way a believer of all this hopla that the world is coming to an end because of the oil spill. I call bull on all of that! But, I really do believe that natural disasters happen along with human disasters, unleashed by mankind upon their own as sad as it may be.
Awhile back, I wrote a post about an emergency kit for the car for your kids. Well, I began to think and with all of these natural disasters, world ending movies and TV shows, how can I not begin to think?? I was thinking to myself - what would I do if something would happen and we, as a family, have to evacuate as soon as possible? What would I do if we were out in the middle of nowhere on a trip and got lost or broke down? So, that is when I realized... I don't have to be some crazy fanatic about the world ending, but I can be prepared if anything would happen.
I took out my emergency kit from the car to update it which should be done with either the change of seasons or when your child(ren) move up sizes in clothes.

I took a reuseable grocery bag that I bought from wal-mart. I buy those things all the time for $.50 so its cheap and filled it with supplies. Its small enough to not take up a bunch of room and fit into a little spot in my trunk, but big enough to carry a good amount of stuff. In it, I included..
8 scoops of formula and 8 scoops of baby cereal along with an extra scooper.
Two bottles.
A receiving blanket and a heavier blanket
12 size 3 diapers (she is almost grown out of them) disposables
2 size 4 diapers (would use as cover over the 3s if I had to)
A sleeper, onesie, long sleeve onesie, pants, socks, sunhat, hat, coat and socks for Caelyn
Underwear, shirt, socks and comfy pants for Robert & I
2 jars of babyfood
6 washcloths that are tiny for babywipes
petroleum jelly - to wipe butt with and for rash cream

These items stay in the car in case anything would happen. I make sure to take out the food and replace it with new later.
I also am planning on getting a case of waterbottles for the car also.

I also am a list girl - do you like lists too? And i keep a list in the house of what to do in case of an emergency and we need to evacuate.. it goes like this:
1. pack downstairs box with food and formula from pantry and upstairs
2. Get as much water to take with as possible
3. pack up as many diapers and clothes for caelyn as possible
4. as many clothes for us as possible
5. Grab baby carriers (ergo, pikkolo, etc)
6. Blankets
7. Important documents (which are kept in one spot only)
8. all the money in the house

Its an easy list to make. You may ask why the baby carriers but to me, its important because if you would need to carry your child(ren) and they are heavy and either can't walk or aren't so good.. or they get sleepy easy.. these solve these problems without a stroller which is too big and takes up too much room!

All in all? Be prepared!! If anything, you have the peace of mind knowing you are slightly prepared and planned out!

A Bitter Day

Well, my buddy, my baby (my first baby), Sara, is gone. I have never experienced something like this before; it was gut-wrenching.
My mother and I went together. I am glad that I went, so is my mother. She crumbled more than I did but, I think that I mourned so much yesterday that I was almost out of tears. I was numb but also, I had prayed to God to give me strength and He most definitely did so. I was strong for my mother who was sobbing uncontrollably.
The drive out there was... bleak. We knew what was going to happen. She didn't really want to go in the building.
The vet did give us the peace of mind that she was not well or healthy and looked very sick. My mother was so worried that it wasn't her time yet and that we were not meant to put her down. He gave us the option to be with her or for them to do it and bring her back to us. I chose to stay with her. I didn't want her to be scared and if someone I didn't know led me away with my family crying behind me, I knew I would be scared. So, they sedated her.
She let out the biggest yawn I've ever seen and it was almost like she was saying.. I'm tired and it is time. Once she was sedated, the doctor told us that within 10 heartbeats she would be gone. He gave her the shot and within maybe 2-3 seconds, she was gone. She looked so peaceful. My mom bawled and kept saying "it'll be ok baby" "I'm sorry baby." She loves Sara as much as I do. We hugged and kissed her and left.
The vet had said that sometimes they twitch afterwards and I knew neither of us could stay to see that.
We hugged in the office.
We left together and cried on the way home.
But, I know it was the right thing to do. I believe she was in pain and now, she is in Heaven - because I believe God brings His animals there too - with the other dogs that our family as a whole has lost, chasing rabbits and cats. She is no longer in pain; her legs are no longer weak and she can run again. That dog could run like the wind beside a driving car.
It was a rough day with tears..

The worse part?
Today, July 13th, is my parents anniversary. What a thing to have to do on a couple's anniversary.
To my parents - you are an inspiration to me. Your strength together as a couple inspires me to have a marriage with Robert like yours. In a day and age with couples divorce within a few years, you still kiss goodbye and say I love you. I hope to see you two twenty years from now still kissing goodbye. I love you both.

You Will be Missed

Tomorrow is going to be a dreadful day. We are putting my dog down. Sara has been around since I was 7, back in 1996. She is 15 years old now.
Things have been bad for her and we all knew it. She has had trouble walking, standing, laying down.. She can't go up the stairs any more because she falls. She has lost a lot of control over her bladder and bowel movements, to the frustration of my mother. I just feel like she is suffering. We can tell she isn't eating as much anymore. You can basically see her spine. Her hips are so thin. I remember when we worried that she was too fat!! Now, we worry she is too thin and not eating
It breaks my heart to know that this time tomorrow, Sara will be gone.
She will be in doggy heaven, hopefully being able to chase after rabbits.

I have a lot of memories with Sara and I want to share a few:

My grandpa got Sara from a kennel in WV and was my present after a terrible bike accident that resulted in plastic surgery for me. I remember the day I got her, she came in my bedroom with my grandparents and I thought she was a pitbull! She came with my aunt's dog so I thought she was my aunt's friend's dog but nope, she was mine!

When she was little, she would crawl under my bed and eat little pieces of my barbie doll stuff and littlest pet shop. Not a great thing when it was happening, but now I look back and smile..

She used to sleep with me every night. My mom said she would come in the room and I was basically spooning with her and we had the covers up to our necks. All she woud see is Sara's head.

I think one of the funniest, yet gross things... One night I came home and like always, Sara had ran away. Sara is an escape artist. Anyway, she is on the sidewalk by our porch so I walk up the stairs and towards the porch and see something in her mouth. She had a dead rabbit in her mouth, she was bouncing, pancing and wagging her tail - so proud of herself and wanting to bring it inside!! I freaked out and called my mom on the phone to make her come home.
And, to top it off, there was no blood on the poor little rabbit, rest its soul.. Sara is very gentle with the creatures she befriends. She just wants to play so she throws them in the air and tries to catch them or lets them drop. She broke its neck! But, she did it trying to be nice!
She has done this to many unsuspecting creatures who she tried to befriend.

She has always been a trashdigger! She still is! We think she is blind, almost, but she can find that trash can and take everything out!

She is also a hole digger. When we got our middle dog (we have 3) Addy, she was a baby.. One day, I look outside. They both were in the yard and Sara was digging. Addy was watching her closely. 10 minutes later, I look outside and they are digging together! That darn dog taught her how to dig!

I have so many good memories with her and I think tonight I am going to focus on my funny memories of my friend, my loyal companion. I am glad that Caelyn got to meet her even though she won't remember it. I am glad Sara got to see Caelyn. It is amazing how these creatures become more than an animal; they become a part, a beloved part, of our family. She will be missed.
Tonight, my mom took her for a walk, as long as Sara was able to walk. She ate all kinds of yummy things and we made a clay imprint of her paw to frame. It was a nice last night for a wonderful dog.
I pray that I have strength tomorrow to be strong for her. I know that dogs are so intune with humans and I know that if I am upset, stressed, etc she will pick up and feel the same. I want her to be relaxed and peaceful. Ugh. I am going to go sob for awhile!

First Trip to the Zoo

I forgot to post about Caelyn's first trip to the zoo - Mommy fail!! We went on June 6th, for the first time!

It was quite a day; it wasn't cold but wasn't hot.

We got ready and off we went, Daddy was jealous he couldn't come. He working. Mommy, Grandma, GG Linda, and Aunt Bretton came with me. I sat in my stroller for awhile, all relaxed and content. I had a really comfy hoodie on!

The first animal I got to see was a tiger! It was so pretty and was running up and down the cliff.

Next I saw a baby crocodile, but it still looks scary to me, even if it is a baby. It was all by itself in the water, maybe it is mean!

Then we saw lions!! There was a bunch of them, a whole family with a Daddy, Mommy and baby lions!

My favorite animal was the elephant. I got to see it really close up and there was even a baby elephant. It is a baby like me! Mommy got to see the polar bears, but I didn't....

Because I fell asleep! Mommy knew I was sleepy, so she put me in the Ergo and I fell asleep on her. I was soooo comfy. Going to the zoo makes a baby sleepy!!

I even missed the sharks! I bet they were really cool. Mommy told me that they were and that everyone got to see them really close. There was a underwater tunnel that we walked through and the sharks swam around us. Boy, I wish I could have seen that!

Mommy walked over a wobbly bridge hanging in the trees. I woke up afterwards, so Mommy went over it a second time so I could see. Boy, it sure was funny! I was laughing.

I was such a happy little girl after I woke up. Too bad I woke up at the end of the zoo! I missed a bunch of animals, but my nap was still great.

I really don't like car rides and I got really hungry, so Mommy gave me a bottle and I drank it while we drove home from Pittsburgh.

It sure was a great day. I can't wait to go to the zoo again! Maybe next time my Daddy can come with me!

The End!

Freakiest Moment of My Life!

I had to share this experience with you all. I will NEVER forget it.

Saturday night I got off of work and went to get Caelyn from my parents house. We decided to go see fireworks so I ran home real fast to change. I walk into my bathroom, flip on the light...and on the outside of my bathroom window a HUGE snake was hanging on it! It was slithering around. It was like something out of a horror film.

I screamed. It scared the shit out of me!

I ended up calling my landlord to come get it off of my window. It was like 5 foot long. It disappeared around my house. I am scared out of my mind.

I HATE snakes. I was petrified to be in my house all saturday night and still now. I keep imagining it will get into my house, even though I don't think there is anyway it could.

Just picture this. It was definitely the freakiest moment ever! Ugh!

This is what I get for having the woods as my backyard.

Praxis 1

Well, today is the day - the day I take my Praxis 1. This test allows me to officially be a part of the education program at Fransican University, the school I attend. Man am I nervous.

If I don't pass it, I can take it again, but I SHOULD be able to pass it. This is the basic one - reading, writing, and math. The problem? I SUCK AT MATH. I haven't done math, any math, since my senior year in high school. I graduated in 2007. Folks, thats a long time to go without math and then be expected to remember all equations for all geometric figures.

Come on, give me history! I am petrified to fail this test.

Its not cheap to take this test either, so I definitely don't want to fail it. I don't want to have to admit that I fail it. Boy, I'm scared.

Plus, I can't use a calculator. Lets be real for a moment - in real life, if I have any math problem to do, I use a calculator. I can't do it in my head and I don't know many people that can multiple 249 x 154 in their head.. at least I can't. So, why can't I show you that I am fabulous with a calculator?!

In my head, all I think that this test determines my fate. Realistically, it doesn't. I can retake it or the part I don't pass. But, I just don't want to have to do that. I have two years left of college - I have already been in college for 3 ( including the semester I currently am in).

I will let you all know how I do.. I'm taking a computer based on, so I will know if I pass the reading and math part immediately. God help me.