19 Months Old!!

My little princess is 19 months old today! Holy cow, has timed flown by!!

She is growing and learning with leaps and bounds. This is such a fun (and difficult) age. Something that excites me sooo much is seeing her love for reading, as noted in both of these photos! Currently, she is sitting in front of our bookcase reading out loud (well gibberish but she understands her own self). Its precious and I am so glad that all of our reading to her and encouraging her to read books has paid off.


She runs everywhere. I don't think walking is possible anymore.
She understands so much now. She loves to be a big helper and throw things in the trash for us when asked. She has her own little "chores" such as filling the dogs bowl with food, helping Mommy dust, and picking up her clothes off of the floor and putting them into the dirty hamper.

I think its so important to do things with her such as this. Don't let anyone tell you that they can't because they can AND they find it fun!

What really excites us is her ever-growing vocabulary! Watch out! And don't say anything if you don't want it repeated!
Lately, she has been telling me that things are mean: Mommy is mean, PapPap is mean, Ni-Ni (bedtime, naptime) is mean AND bad lol.
She likes to watch Buddy go outside and will tell me that he is outside and going potty.

There are so many more but it is just exciting to watch her learn! This month has just reminded me how much of a blessing motherhood is!

Toys and More Toys

Within the last week I realized that my living room is being eaten alive by toys! It began at Christmas when we went so overboard with the amount of toys that Santa brought. Well, when Robert & I split up, some went with him, but... there are still too many! In fact, I realize that most of the toys are not being played with.

So, Monday I took out a full laundry basket of toys! I am going to put them into a garbage bag and either keep them or yard sale them this summer. I also threw away some junk toys.

Then, I came up with a system because most of her toys were not being played with and, to me, it feels as if I wasted my money buying toys that she doesn't play with!
Here is her beautiful toy box that she got as a Christmas present from Pap Rich & Grandma Nancy.
At night after she goes to bed, I clean up toys. It only takes an extra few moments, but I pull toys from the bottom of the toy box and put them on the top. Caelyn is way too young to think of digging for toys at the bottom, so I help her. I do keep the bag of wooden blocks within her reach, but otherwise, all toys are rotated.
This way, every morning she opens her box of toys, she pulls out a different toy that wasn't on top yesterday. I feel so much better because this system is already working and it honestly doesn't take me anymore extra time than I was using before.

This girl also has a lot of books. These are just the ones that she hasn't
a) destroy or
b) are paperback and are kept in my room until she is old enough not to destroy them or when I want to read them to her.

So, my new system? As I am gathering them up off the floor, I pick a few from the floor and a few out of the bin and put them into this little basket she got on Easter.
It goes in the middle of the bookshelf. These are the books for the day. It helps! She does pull out the bottom box, but she goes right for this little basket, she can carry it out into the middle of the room, unlike the other bin. She loves to read! So, this works great for us.
I find that toys end up being a pain in parents' butts.

I got a lot of inspiration for my toy situation from a book for Catholic mothers by Tami Kiser.

I also have been encouraging Caelyn periodically throughout the day to clean up her toys, yes at almost 16months! It takes me showing her and helping her, but she does catch on. For example, today she played with her wooden blocks but after breakfast, she lost interest. I grabbed the bag that they go in and said, lets clean up these blocks and put them in the bag and she watched me and helped. She was so pleased with herself and I thanked her for her help. Oh the look on her face - priceless!

Spring Semester of School

Wow, I feel so overwhelmed and busy right now! I am surprised I even remembered to blog about it!

Monday the 17th I began the 2011 spring semester of school. It is kind of bitter sweet because this was the semester I was supposed to be graduating from if I had not changed my major too late and tacked on an extra year! Bummer. I look at May 2011 and kind of get sad because I should be done, but I will instead graduate May 2012.

I like school, don't get me wrong. I LOVE my history courses which is why I love my history major. I love education, which I why I love my education courses, but I HATE being away from Caelyn. She is MY child; I don't want anyone else watching her but her parents and that can't happen while I am in school.

I am taking 6 courses, 17 credit hours, I am jammed pack. But, I am just trying to stay organized, stay on top of things and just hope my daughter doesn't get upset that she is without me for so long. I keep looking at it like, I have like 3 1/2months of it then I have my daughter to myself for basically May-August. Thats great. I have to just push forward to that. It will come and come soon, I know!

Using Utensils

Well, we reached a point that Caelyn feels as if she is more independent and wants to feed herself.
She does well with finger foods, but I am talk utensils. I never looked forward to this day.
She still allows us to feed her but after a while, she gets angry and will spit everything back out until we give her the spoon herself and and allow her to do it by herself.

I love that she is growing up and that she is trying to do things by herself! Thats so totally awesome... the problem? Its really messy and it takes a long time. It results in outfit changes and she gets very angry when, after 30 minutes, you take it away but she forgets quickly.

I am really proud of her though! In two days, I can tell how she is learning. Its like, I can see the wheels in her head turning as she figures it out. It requires a lot of hand/eye coordination.

She has figured out which way is the right end (although I think I am going to invent a spoon with a spoon on both ends because sometimes she dips the handles into the bowl).

She knows to put the spoon into the bowl. The issue is that she doesn't understand yet the whole scooping task. She dips the spoon in and, if it is baby food, some sticks to the spoon naturally, then she puts it into her mouth. But, she does turn it upside down.

I guess it is just going to be a learning process. I am in no way forcing or rushing her. I just have noticed the desire and also the anger that she gets because of how much she wants to do it herself. I love watching her learn! She is so stinking cute!

I want to be supermom

First of all, I am back. I am sorry for the month delay. I started classes up again and really needed to get into the groove of things. I am sure you all missed me sooooo much! But, I am back, but in a more stressed out form of my former self.

Being a mother and a full time student is like having two full time jobs. It is extremely difficult. I definitely struggle. I feel like my plate is overfilled with things that I need to do and what I WANT to do. I need to still do things that I want to do otherwise; I know I will not be a happy person. I have picked up crocheting and I love it. I am about 1/4^th finished making Caelyn an afghan. I am making pillows for our couch and Halloween colored tutus for Caelyn and Elsa. Crafting is something I truly enjoy.

My plate is full, as I said before. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have only one class which goes from 12 to 12:50. These are good days for me. Generally, my grandma comes over or she goes to her friend’s house down the road to play for an hour. Tuesday and Thursday are long days. My day starts at 6:30 when I wake up. I start class at 8am and I finish at 2pm.
Lets not forget that every day generally includes…. Dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, studying, homework, feeding the baby, cooking breakfast/lunch/dinner, giving baths, and going insane. Its just a long day in general. And somewhere in there, I fit time to sit down and crochet, surf Diaperswappers.com, and check my facebook. I make grocery trips frequently because I would rather take multiple quick ones than one that takes 2 hours.

As the title of this post says, I really wish that I was supermom. I wish my house was spotless, laundry and dishes always done. I wish my house was perfectly decorated with tons of crafts that I have made myself. I wish I could dress Caelyn in outfits I made for her. I wish I could create perfectly balanced meals for our family. I wish I could start my day at 7am and not be exhausted. I wish I wasn’t a night owl that can’t fall asleep before midnight. I forgot to mention that I wish I was the perfect partner also. With everything else on my plate, my responsibilities to Robert fall to the bottom of the list. It is unfortunate but I think he realizes how much I love him. I want to make dinner for him and create a beautiful home for him. Trust me, I could eat Wendy’s everyday; I don’t need to make dinner for myself!

Ok, now that I have ranted and raved I hope to expand to some giveaways, but we will see how that goes. I also am going to include some personal reviews of items I have picked up and used, especially different diaper brands! I know that a lot of you lovely readers use cloth diapers for your kids, so I plan on including some reviews to show you new diapers.

Ok, that is the end of this post. I am going to go try to be supermom. When I figure out the trick and how to truly be supermom, I will let you know. If you know how to become so, please let me know. I will forever be in your debt.

Packing Those School Lunches

School time! Yes, I started back at the university.. so much fun. Not! Its actually too much stress! But, it happens, right.

Well.. school time = school shopping and while searching Wal-Mart for that perfect pack of pens, I spot lunchboxes and it made me smile like a fool. Even though I plan on homeschooling for the first few grades, then sending my kids to school afterwards unless we move to Alaska in which case I might just homeschool all the way through. Who knows! But, I still want my kids to have lunchboxes packed for them - for lunch at the park, or lunch at the zoo or whatever kind of adventures we go on. See, I fantasize about the weirdest things, right?

Since I have no fun lunches to pack for Caelyn yet, I decided to find some websites with some great lunch ideas for you guys. My mom packed my lunch til I graduated. Yes, seriously, she did so. But, it wasn't creative which is ok. She did it in the morning before getting ready for work. When I pack Caelyn's lunches, I sure want to do something fun besides little notes for her.
I love this website: Easy Lunch Boxes It is a system that you can buy and it looks like tupperware but I hear it is 10times stronger than tupperware. I like some of the items for lunches..
A lot of them incorporate leftovers.. like leftover pizza, chicken strips, chicken legs. My favorite is the chicken and cheese wrap with sesame crackers - yum?!

Another awesome website is Wendolonia serving up lunches in the Bento Boxes.
360 Lunches Boxes offers another website full of yummy ideas for your little ones.

Is meat not your cup of tea?! Thats fine! Vegan Lunch Box has plenty of ideas. If you surf back in the earlier years of the blog, you will find some seriously yummy lunch boxes even for those who are meat eaters.

Another blog that I enjoy for reading cute lunches and just fun recipes is Give Peas a Chance.

A super fun blog!? Another Lunch - I think the name is fun because these lunches are so not just another lunch! This is a seriously awesome website that makes me glad to be a mom - that we do these fun things for our kids!

Reading these blogs I see some of the coolest things like egg molds, who thinks of molding a hardboiled eggs?! These moms do! And its so cool! Thats a great way to get a kid to eat a hardboiled egg lol.

These lunches are fun, colorful and actually make kids want to eat their lunches. Genius.

Happy Lunch Making!

Advice to New Moms

You know, lately I have been thinking (ok I really do this a lot) and I realize that.. When I was pregnant and when I first had my lovebug, I received SO much advice that it was ridiculous! A lot of it was bull, but some of it was pretty decent, but there is one that I REALLY want to tell you about because it makes me so angry and here it is..

DON'T HOLD YOUR BABY TOO MUCH OR THEY WILL GET SPOILED!

With this little piece of advice, I CALL BULLSHIT. How often do I curse on my blog? Never really so you know that I really feel passionate about this.
I hear it even now when I wear Caelyn in the Ergo, or a sling, or our wrap. I heard it so much when I first had Caelyn that I wanted to pull my hair out and here is why..

Your baby has spent 40 weeks cuddled inside of your warm, cozy womb, then they are birthed into this HUGE, WIDE OPEN, not so cozy, world and they are out of sorts. Thats why I believe swaddling in the beginning is so important because it mimicks the womb and truly will comfort your brand new bundle of joy. So.. if I listen to this lovely piece of advice, it is ok to leave my baby laying in the crib or pack n play all by themselves in this big wide cold crib with no love? Please.

I received a brand new wrap lately from BBslen and I am going to quote what their booklet says on this matter and I think that it will really hit home and prove my point so much better than I can articulate.

"Will I spil my baby and make him dependent on me?

Imagine you are thirsty. Sometimes you are given a glass of water and sometimes you are not. Your thirst is not quenched. You are forced to wait until the next time someone else decides you can have a glass of water. You become increasingly nervous and frustrated. You begin to constantly ask for water, even when you are not thirsty, because you are not sure that when you will be thirsty, you will be given some water. You become insecure when you do not have water available. You are so preoccupied with having enough water that you are unable to think about anything else.

Now imagine the opposite scenario. You are thirsty. You are immediately given water, however much you need to quench your thirst. You are satisfied and can go on about whatever you were doing without worry. You are reassured because the water is abundant supply and you can have some whenever you need it. You feel secure in this knowledge and the physical presence of the water is not always necessary. You are worry free and can put your energy into other activities.

Now, imagine these two scenarios with your baby and his need for close physical contact and reassurance.

You decide."

This is so beyond powerful for me because I can visualize this. We all too often see little kids who are not fed very often and they hoard food whenever and wherever they can in fear that they will not have food to eat. Its heartbreaking.

My daughter is NOT dependent on me but we sure do love to cuddle.
She has started to raise her arms up to me when she wants to be held, but more often than not, she actually pushes away from me with her hands or feet because she wants to play. But everytime, she reaches up for me, or if I am near and she grabs at me or tries to get on me.. or whatever, I indulge her. I cuddle, kiss, and just love on her until she pushes me away or until we both are laughing hysterically.

I guess it is just me, but my heart goes out to babies that parents really believe this bull and who do not hold them very often.

You don't need to babywear like I do in order to hold your child frequently. Kissing, hugging, and holding close as much as possible does the same thing. Caelyn loves when I put her into a carrier. My mom constantly tells me that she must not like it. But I say, when babies do not like something, what do they do? They fuss, they cry, they scream whatever it is. She almost never does so. We both love the cuddles it gives us and it also puts her up at a higher eyelevel and she is able to see so much more. She is fascinated with the world around her and what better position for her to see than on Mommy?

I realize all parents.. parent differently and that is fine! But, I hear this so much and it frustrates me more than I can explain and I just had to say my part.. and I had to show what I believe and also.. to maybe make future mothers think.. and to maybe make current mothers who have a baby or are expecting another hold and kiss their babies more or to know a good comeback for those who tell us this line of crap!

You're Gonna Miss This

For the last few nights, Caelyn has been coming to sleep with us when we go to bed, around 1 or 2 am. That is fine with us, plus on vacation she will be sleeping with us. She has been waking up, wanting a bottle and some cuddles.
Well last night, before we went to sleep, we crept into her room to check on her. She was trying to sleep crawl. Then, she sat up really fast and smacked her head on the bars of the crib, then laid back down, all while being asleep! Our poor little girl isn't getting any restful sleeps so now I am completely ok letting her in bed with us because she snuggles in bed, and does move a little, but not sleep crawling!

As I was laying with her in bed last night, the lights were out and she was asleep on my arm and we were laying tummy to tummy. I was struggling to fall asleep because I have a really hard time sleeping on my side or back; I need my tummy to sleep. Heck, I slept on my tummy while pregnant until the last few weeks because I just couldn't sleep any other way. I was praying for some sleep and watching her sleep. Her little face looks like the face that we saw on the ultrasound so many months ago. She was so peaceful and everytime I would move, she would cuddle closer to me.
Suddenly, the song "You're Gonna Miss This" popped into my head. I honestly have no idea where it came from! It just did.

"5 years later, there's a plumber working on the water heater dogs barkin, phones ringin, one kids cryin, one kids screamin, and she keeps apologizing, he said they don't bother me, I got two babies of my own, one's 36 one's 23, its hard to believe but you're gonna miss.. this you're gonna want this back, you're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast.. these are some good times so take a good look around you may not know it now, but you're gonna miss this."

This is why I just love Trace Adkins! But, it honestly was a very random thing to pop into my head at 2am. I looked at her sleeping on my arm and just relaxed.

I know that I will miss the times that she would snuggle with me because I know it won't last forever.

I'm in such a rush all the time to do things. In a rush to get married (ok.. I'm still going to want to do this! lol). I'm in a rush to have another baby. I want to hurry up and move away to Alaska (yes I am dead serious).. I suppose I don't realize that even though I will love my next child, I will miss the simple times with one baby and the bonding Caelyn and I have had. I will miss living in my town and living so close to family.

Today, Caelyn was screaming on the floor because she couldn't get to where she wanted to go (not crawling YET) and I just smiled and thought.. man I am going to miss her not crawling one day! Because I know when she starts to crawl, she will be everywhere.

I guess thinking at 2am is a great thing

Slow Down Baby Girl! Slow Down!

I want to tell her to slow down.. Caelyn is just learning and changing so much lately, that I can't keep up with it I don't know how she is! Maybe thats why she is sleeping like crazy lately.
I was amazed when recently she started rolling. She can do a complete roll from her back to her belly then belly to back again, so fast that I looked at her one moment, looked at my computer then back up and she was across the living room, grabbing the wii stuff.
Opps! Time to move the video games I guess!
I was just amazed. I could watch her roll for hours. I love watching her learn.
Now?! She is TRYING to crawl. OMG! Please stop! Her sitting abilites are great, sure she topples over but it usually comes from just trying to get a toy that is a too far from reach. Speaking of that.. she has learned how to lean over, hold herself up with one arm and use the other arm to reach reach reach for that perfect toy! Oh, I love to watch her pick which toy she wants!
As for the crawling, it is truly frustrating for her. She tucks one leg under her and sticks the other leg out.. Hello Stanky Legg?! lol in a baby crawling version. She uses the leg out to push up her butt with (this is how she gets those toys) then she leans forward with her hands on the ground. A few times she gets into the crawling position, looks at me like alright mom, now what?! Then starts to scream because she wants to go! She has butt scooted a few times, like just now trying to get to the nicely folded basket of clothes.
She loves toys! I basically am buying a couple toys a week now; I always tell Robert that as long as they are in good condition, our next little one can use them too. Thats how I justify stuff! lol.
Lately, she has gotten 3 new toys and I am considering what else to get her.
Our floor looks crazy; I can only imagine what it will look like when she starts to pull stuff out!

I can't keep up with how much my baby is changing... is there a slow motion button?

So Many New Changes, So Little Time

I have been slacking on my blogging lately because I haven't had as much time lately! In fact, I am rushing to type this as Robet and Caelyn play on the couch. My music lately has been her laugh and squealing of delight.
Caelyn is changing by the day, becoming more of a person with a mind (a very determined and stubborn one) and desires other than eating, sleeping, and pooping.
Today, we were at Applebees for dinner - which we haven't done in sooo long it was quite enjoyable - and she was like a wild woman. She ate a jar of corn & sweet potatoes, during which the whole time she would go "mmmmmm" in between bites. This is a new development lately. Every meal she eats she says "mmmmm" with each bite.
She has started with a sippy cup, only with meals! I know, 5 months and a sippy cup? Let me explain; she drinks Pedialyte throughout the day. The doctor told me to give it to her to extend time between bottles because she gained so much weight. Well, we give her Pedialyte and sometimes juice, but usually Pedialyte with babyfood - in my mind, we all get thirsty why is a baby different? So, anyway, if the bottle was sitting on the highchair tray, she would grab it but couldn't hold it. So I got a Nuby sippy cup with handles; I thought it would be fun for her just to try. Well, she can actually hold it pretty well and drink out of it. Its great for after meals when she is in her highchair and I'm cleaning the kitchen or out at restaurant, like tonight, she plays with it while we have our meals.
At Applebees, she was like a wild woman. I had her in my lap after I was finished eating, and I was struggling to hold her back as she was reaching for my plate, my cup, everything that she could possibly get. It was oh-so funny.
The best thing is watching her sit in her highchair. She usually has a toy and her sippy. She will put down her toy and grab her sippy or she will reach for her food when she decides she wants a bite.
My daughter is becoming a little baby with a mind all her own. She remembers people at least the ones she sees alot. A few days ago, my mom walked into the house and the instant she saw my mom she gasped and smiled and wanted her.
She is such a daddy's baby. When Robert is home from work, all she wants is daddy daddy daddy. She will stare at him until he looks at her and talks to her. She will try to push off of me to get to him.
I think she is going to move soon. When we are on the floor, she rolls around on my legs, pushes off of me with her legs, tries to scoot off of me.. As I said, a wild woman. Its so hard to contain her!
I am just so excited to see all these new developments in her and I love being there to watch her change almost daily.

A Day In The Life Of....

You know, before I had a baby, I thought stay at home moms had it made. They got to sit at home all day long doing nothing, just relaxing. Now that I am "part-time stay at home mom" I realize I was so wrong. I mean, I do work. Like, this week I will work Friday, Saturday and Sunday. When I start school at the end of August, I will be going from 8-2 on Tuesdays & Thursday, then only an hour on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will be working like 2 days a week. Granted, it sounds like a lot, but Monday, Wednesday and Friday I will only be gone from her for an hour and then Tuesday and Thursday I definitely won't work. It will work out so that I am with her the majority of the time and that is what we, as a family, want.
But, thats not the point! I decided to let you all know what I do as a SAHM. Granted, today was a little bit different because Robert was home by 3 (yay!!) when usually its me with her alone from the time she wakes up to the time she goes to bed.
Today, she woke up at like 7:30 and since Robert was able to, he fed her a bottle. After he left for work, I got out of bed and this is how my day went....

Poopy diaper change at 8:30
She hung out in her exersaucer until about 9:15ish while I did lay on the couch (ok sorry but I really love to sleep!)
9:30 - another poopy diaper change!
10 - down for her first nap of the day. It wasn't a long one, about an hour or so during which time I did watch some tv and spent time on my favorite diaperswappers.com chatting on the forums
11 - she is up screaming - diaper change and spent a good amount of time calming her down then had play time on the floor for about 30 minutes
11:30 - brunch aka some baby food (banana orange medley) and pedialyte in her new sippy cup which she really loves and so do I because it occupies her time.
12 - Cleaned the kitchen: Put away the dishes and bottles I washed the night before.
12:30 - Made sweet potato fries for her to freeze for future use
1 - cleaned her room - put away all of her diapers, clothes and fixed up her bed
1:30 - bottle time and nap
During her nap time, I took a shower and straightened up the living room
2:30 - she woke up and we had play time on the floor and "school time" basically I show her a book that teaches colors, shapes, etc.
3 ish - Robert came home!
I was able to leave to go get my paycheck and to get my oil changed, which my car needed badly. I came home and she was down for her next nap and he had fed her lunch of sweet potato & corn baby food.
She woke up screaming at like 4:45 so I rocked her and she cuddled with me on the chair.
5:30 - we get ready and go to my parents house to swim
There... we spent time swimming (which she loves) then she played on the floor. We had pizza for dinner and we fed her apples & blueberries for her snack/dinner before bed time.
We came home at 8:30, she had a bath and bottle and now is in bed.

Today, as I said before, was a bit different because I would have continued cleaning and such throughout the rest of the time.. In fact, soon I am off to clean the kitchen and finish laundry.
Now, when people say that SAHMs do nothing, I get so angry! This day may sound like nothing, but it is very tiring - keeping up with someone else's demands and your own needs plus trying to take care of a home which mine always looks like a disaster no matter how much I clean.
I can only imagine what this will be like when I have more than one kid! I probably won't even have time for the internet and that might just be depressing!

Mommy Essentials for 4-5Months

So, when Caelyn was way younger, I did a post of things basically I couldn't live without at that stage in her life.. Now I want to do another because it has all changed.. almost!

1. Exersaucer! Wow, IDK what I would do without that thing. It gives me time to eat lunch (rushing), shower (rushing), or basically do anything as long as it doesn't top 30 minutes because after that she is POed. But, I love that thing and so does she!

2. ERGObaby & Pikkolo Baby Carriers. I have dived right into the world of babywearing and I love it. I do have slings and ringslings for quick walks and around the house, but my Ergo and Pikkolo are my love. They are so comfy for Caelyn & I and she loves to snuggle up with Mommy when we are out and she is sleepy. If she is in the stroller, she has a hard time falling asleep because she is looking everywhere. In the carriers, she cuddles on my chest and falls asleep instantly. She never fusses and usually cries being taken out. It sure helps with trips out!

3. Mesh Baby Feeders. So, these things are mesh bags that you put food in and let them suck on them or whatever. Caelyn recently has decided that being fed isn't as much as feeding herself, which is why I am about to buy a sippy cup. I put all kinds of fun food in these mesh bags and she sits for a half an hour and eats. Bananas are the messiest but she actually eats those, not just gets the juice. She actually ate a full banana one day. Wow. But, it keeps her happy and she eats and I can do the dishes while she eats and tries to grab her bottle of juice or pedialyte (can't wait to get the sippy cup!)

4. Infant Tylenol. Caelyn has TWO teeth. The nights can be torture when she wakes up exhausted but her teeth are hurting. I give her some tylenol, rock her with a bottle and off she goes. Poor baby, she is in pain! =( It kills me to see her like that!

5. Hook-On Highchair. This is a definitely mommy essential. I found mine for $15 at Once Upon a Child. To all you Mommy's out there: RESTAURANT HIGHCHAIRS ARE NOT CLEAN. I am a waitress and we do wipe them down quickly, but still, they are nasty and stinky. Caelyn still has trouble in the wooden highchairs, but this thing is perfect. She has no trouble sitting up in it and eating, playing with toys, etc. It isn't nasty; its clean. We love it!

6. Toys. Ok, so instead of naming all the toys she loves, I am just saying toys. At this stage, toys are essentials. She wants to play and actually, children need at least 20 minutes a day to play on their own with no other interaction from people. I put her in the Pack n'Play filled with toys and she loves to play and throw things. Its a great time for her and a fun time to watch her!

7. Boppy Pillow. Yes, this was on my last list, but we use it different now! She sits up great by herself, but still has her moments where she topples of. So. I put the boppy around her so if she falls, no hitting her little head! If she falls forward.. well she still gets hurt though.. or stunned at least.

There are tons more of things we love, but these are pretty essential for our little princess right now!
Oh boy, someone is waking up!

Miss Independent

Lately, I have been very frustrated with Caelyn. I just couldn't figure her out! So, I guess it was frustration with myself, anyway. You see, suddenly she hates almost everything "baby" we have. She hates her swing, unless she is really sleepy then she passes out really easily in her swing. Her vibrating seat? Please! She will only sit in it for me to feed her breakfast. A playmat? NOPE! She won't lay like that for longer than 5 minutes without screaming bloody murder. So, that leaves the exersaucer. She does love that.. for no longer than 30 minutes at a time. She will relax in her high chair.
What she likes is to sit up on the couch, with a pillow on either side of her and toys in front of her. The problem with this is that I have to constantly watch her; I obviously don't want her to fall off the couch!
I came up with an idea! I brought out the pack n'play.. I've only used it for the "pack" part, not the "play" part. She can't full sit up by herself, so I sit her in between the boppy with toys surrounding her. OMG, she loves it!
When she lays back on the boppy, she can pull herself fully up and lean over to get toys. She just can't pull herself up from her back yet.
I am so glad! I don't mind entertaining her but I do have to get things done like laundry, dishes, some cleaning, and showering! I can't always watch her especially since Robert is working tons lately. I once again am like a part-time single mom. Its killer.

On the 28th, Caelyn will be 5months. Ok, I can't say that too many times because it makes me tear up. I want her to stop growing up, but at the same time, I love watching her grow up and learn.. experience things with her.
I realize why I couldn't understand her anymore; I've been treating her like a little newborn still. She isn't! I mean, I've known she isn't a newborn anymore. But, my little girl wants to be a big girl. If she could, she would take off running I think. She wants to go.
Today in the pack n'play, she was leaning to the side to get a toy and fell over. Well, I was packing up some bottles of pedialyte since we would be outside in the sun. I went to check on her and found her in the crawling position, smiling, but looking at me like "what now Mom?!"
She doesn't want mommy to cuddle her anymore; she wants her toys!
I was talking to my mom about this today and I told her that now I don't know what to do! I know how to care for a newborn, but a little baby girl who is becoming a little person with thoughts and wants besides eat, sleep and poop? What do I do with this?!!?
I love it though!! I love watching her play and select her toys. Yes, she will move toys to get to the toy she wants.!
My little almost 5 month old girl is growing up! =(

How Am I Going To Tell My Parents...

Hahaha, I bet you thought I was pregnant again! NOPE!

I wonder how I am going to tell my parents that I plan on homeschooling Caelyn, at least for a few years!

I have been thinking for awhile about this. I am going to school to become a teacher which I feel makes me qualified to be a homeschooling mother. I really feel as if she will learn more with me than any public/private school environment. I am very excited about our decision. Robert and I have spoken about it and he tells me that he believes I can teach our daughter (and any future children) as well as if not better than any schools around here.

The only issue is that this is going to require me not to work basically. I am ok with that. We have plans and we know what we are going to do when that time comes! Basically, the plan is that I am going to finish my undergraduate and get my masters in education. This is a total of 4 more years in college for me. I would consider getting a job as a teacher locally. Caelyn will be two when I have my bachelor degree - I would consider working for a few years. If she has to go to preschool publicly, thats fine.

Robert will get a different job; it just comes down to the job market currently isn't very good. The job he has now provides for us fine now with me working on weekends. We are doing ok - sometimes it is tight, but it works. We have our plans and we are going to make it work for us. I am excited to see how it turns out.

I am already getting stuff together for our homeschooling experience!!

I Have Been Thinking..

I spend a lot of time thinking lately. That sounds strange, but I do. I love to sit and sew cloth wipes (that I sell or trade) and as I play with my sewing machine, I think. This time is usually either late at night or during nap periods. Its one of my favorite times.
This may seem weird, but follow my train of thought, or pretend you can.
I think that living simple is better. I used to dream about all the modern thing I could have and would have. When I found out I was pregnant, trust me, I would never have thought about cloth diapering, babywearing, going green, or anything. I wanted all the modern, cool things. As much as I love some modern baby items (come on, Boon puts out some really cool things), I realize... is modern any better than traditional?
My family sometimes jokes with me that I've gone "old-school" or basically gone back in time with my parenting style. Maybe I have. I can tell you that I am different than anyone else I know.
Disposable diapers have become the norm, when long ago, they were not. Cloth diapers were something that would be seen in every neighborhood. Long ago when my great-grandparents were little, if you walked through a neighborhood, I bet almost everyhouse would have a clothes line with cloth diapers out to dry.
I believe there is something beautiful and nostalgic about line drying clothes. I do it and love it. I hope the passer-bys see them from the road. My backyard is hidden, but I love doing so.
Babywearing is definitely one of the oldest things in the book. I can guarantee you that Mary wore Jesus. It was the norm. But, with the development of strollers, babywearing was put aside. There is something so beautiful about a mother wearing her child, whether it be in a SSC like the Ergo, or a simple ringsling or wrap. Its the closeness to the parent that the child loves and is comforted by.
Caelyn is adjusting to babywearing. At first, she seemed to not like it, but now? She settles right in for a stroll on mommy.
I remember reading a study that said that babies in tribes that the mom wears the baby... they cry less.
Nowadays, you get that stupid, if you hold or carry your child too much, they will be spoiled. Who cares? My daughter is spoiled and I don't care. She is so precious to me.

So, where am I going with this?
I really have no idea. No, I do but how do I explain it to you?
Are times better now than they used to be? I would say yes and no from a mothers standpoint. Technology has bettered our lives for sure, but with that came the need for convenience. With that, came the destruction of families.
Fastfood chains led to dinners not being around the table. I really believe that is something that effected the rise in divorce rates.
Convenience led to disposable diapers which I could get on my soapbox and tell you why those are not good, but lets leave it at..... they suck.

I have rambled long enough. Sometimes I need a post like this.. when my random thoughts, even if they make no sense when written out, are spilled out for you to read.
Parenthood changes you. I have changed my views on almost everything. I am thankful God has led me down this path. I believe its the best for me and my family. I am thankful Robert allows me to lead us down this path and supports me.
I hope one day Caelyn brings up her little ones with cloth diapers and wears them in carriers.

My Breastfeeding Story

I thought it was time to talk about my experience with breastfeeding. This is a very emotional topic for me, but I wanted to tell you about all about it and also about what I am trying to do. Maybe I am insane, if you think so, don't tell me! =) haha

Before Caelyn was born, I was DETERMINED to breastfeed. I have no idea what drove me to be that way, but I was. When she was born, I know she had a bottle in the nursery and I was fine with that. I was planning on solely pumping and giving her bottles, not nursing. I had no idea how much I would love it. I fed her a bottle in the beginning. Right after she was born, there were so many people in my room that I felt uncomfortable whipping out my breast to feed her when I had no idea what to do.
After most left, a nurse came in and she was the wife of my uncle's best friend. She helped me; I wish I had thanked her but I was still semi-drugged haha. It was so easy, Caelyn and I were so natural at it.. I was even surprised. She told me to call her when I wanted to switch; I never did, I just KNEW what to do. In the hospital, she took a bottle and nursing both. I wanted her to bottlefeed so I could sleep longer because I was beat; she went to the nursery and I do feel like its important for dads to feed their kids if possible.
We continued nursing at home; I loved it. It was so easy. We still did formula so I could sleep longer and she could nurse for 30-45minutes and still scream and be hungry.
I breastfed for about 2 weeks and had enough pumped, after hours of work, to be able to continue to mix bottles with formula for her to get some a week or so later. I stopped about 2 weeks into it. Why?
I started school again and I was gone. It was so hard to nurse and pump with not my full milk supply in, she took formula when I was gone. It was giving her belly aches. Plus, she is tongue-tied and latching sometimes could be a battle and we both spent hours crying sometimes.
But, I miss it and still do.
I regret my decision but I know it was the best decision to make at that time.
I've been thinking and a friend I know was a breastfeeding consultate and told me if I pump at a schedule that my milk will come back in. She said she had milk for a year before it wouldn't come out anymore.
I think I am going to try. If it doesn't work, I tried right? Its not that I am doing it for Caelyn, although I know it is better for her. I know she did get some and that matters. Not many 20 year old moms even consider breastfeeding. But, I want to do it for myself. If it works, I feel like I won't regret my decision anymore. And if it doesn't work, I tried.
I know a lot of you breastfeed, do you think this will work? I know that adoptive moms and other people have done this. It may seem crazy, but I need some support in this decision. I am only going to try for awhile, maybe a month and if it doesn't work, I will give up.
Advice? Opinions? Thoughts please?!

Sleeping Challenges

I am faced with a new struggle with Caelyn: sleeping. It seems as if the only way to get her to go to sleep is to bounce, standing up, with her, until she falls asleep. We cannot keep doing this and I know that. In fact, I don't want to keep doing this.
Really, how hard is it to go to sleep? I love to sleep. I would kill for someone to cuddle me, put me in my bed, cover me up, give me kisses, turn off the lights, and let me sleep for a few hours. Really.
So, why is this a struggle? I have nooo idea!
As I am typing this, she is laying in her crib fussing, now screaming.
I never believed in the "cry it out" method. I believe its cruel, if not cruel, really mean. But, what am I left to do?
She is tired and needs a nap.
Please give me some ideas here moms!
At night, its not a huge issue because she takes a bottle and is sooooo sleepy that we lay her down and off she goes, but naps are a fight. Morning nap isn't. She tends to just fall asleep after her morning bottle.
Afternoon and night time naps are a battle. She HATES to nap, but if she doesn't, she is a witch. She screams all day long and is just plain mean. So, please some ideas.
Do I leave her in there to cry and cry until she just stops? nothing is wrong and I know that. Or, do I do something else?

The Worse Moment EVER.

So, I'm finally ready to post about this. I don't want any mean comments, although I know I won't get any. But this is the worse moment of my life thus far.

Wednesday started off as a perfectly normal, great day! Robert was off, so we made a quick stop at the post office for me to mail out more stuff for diaperswappers.com (I am addicted, btw) and off we went to Robinson (near Pittsburgh) for a day of shopping fun with Caelyn.
We went to Target for me to get my socks to make babylegs. We went to Once Upon a Child.. no good finds this time around, but I usually do. Shucks. Anyway.. then we went to Happy Baby Company, a store that sells cloth diapers. I love this store, yes I do. I could spends hours there, but Robert probably would kill me if I did haha.
We went to The Exchange so Robert could get a movie. At this point, Caelyn was hungry, so I climbed in my backseat to give her a bottle as we drove to Red Robin to eat. Don't worry - she was in her car seat haha buckled in and everything. I am safe.
We get to Red Robin and go inside. We had a clip-on highchair to use. See, now that she is in her big girl carseat, we lost that infant carrier, so we have nothing to use. She is still too little for the other highchairs. This one has a slight lean to it.
So we clip it on, sit down and order our meals. We are waiting and talking, then it happened. I looked down and saw Caelyn on the floor. I just saw her dress. I told Robert to pick her up, so he did. She started to scream. She had landed on her belly. I stood up and took her from him. I rocked her, soothed her and after a few moments, she calmed down. She even was smiling at the person who came and sat down at the bar beside us. But, she was very upset afterwards and would cry randomly.
She had a little bloody nose.
I was so upset.
After she calmed down, I handed her to Robert and then.. I felt funny. I thought maybe I was going to throw up. My vision went blurry - there were 3 of Robert across from me. I had the worse headache I have ever felt. I was sweating like I was running a marathon and burning up. I was having a panic attack - I know because I have had them before. After about 5 minutes and lots of water, I calmed down. By this time, our food had come. I told the waiter we had to leave that I felt sick so we boxed it up and got into the car and left.
I have flashbacks of looking down and seeing her on her belly. Everytime my stomach drops. I still get so upset thinking about it. My baby fell.
How?
I had snapped her in so.. she must have slid out. There was nothing in between her legs. I should have bought one with something between her legs, but that was my fault.
I can't believe my baby fell.. on tile in the middle of Red Robin. No one else saw, that I know of. But still..
This was the worse moment of my life, thus far. I pray to God it never happens again, although I know it will.
I got into the car in the backseat with her. I sat in the back with her as we drove home and I cried. I laid my head on hers and cried. The thought of her being hurt crushed me and brought out this frantic side of me that I have never felt before.
I had enough sense in Red Robin to call the doctor. I told him what happened and he told me that babies can't break their noses because they have no bones in their nose. He said to watch her and make sure her pupils were dilating. Make sure she was still laughing, and just acting like herself. She was. My mom is a nurse and looked at her when we got home. She is fine and was fine. But still.. I wish I could change what happened.

Is It Just Me...

Is it just me or is everyone around me, except me, pregnant?! I swear, everywhere I look and go half the women are pregnant!

I see their round bellies, look at my flat (almost haha) belly, and part of me craves that again. Part of me misses laying my hand on my belly and feeling Caelyn tumble and kick inside of me. It was beautiful. Part of me misses laying on the couch with Robert, with his hand on my belly, both of us feeling her. Part of me misses listening to her heartbeat every month, the excitement before the doctor visits... Part of me even misses the pregnant waddle! Oh my!
Then, the other part of me remembers the reasons why I couldn't stand to be pregnant. Sleeping was terrible - I tossed and turned all night. I couldn't paint my toenails if you paid me to. I sometimes had trouble putting on my socks and shoes. I was just soooo ready to have my baby.. I tried everything to induce labor, she was staying put.

I hope to be pregnant again in another 2-3years. If money wasn't a daily struggle for us as a young couple and I wasn't still in college, I would want to be pregnant again in a year. Sometimes, I see those other women and I yearn for that and miss it and envy then.

Am I alone in feeling this?

Beautiful Moments

Monday, well technically Tuesday, night/morning.. 3:00am to be exact... Robert and I had just laid down finally and began to cuddle/fall asleep. He said to me "I really hope she sleeps through the night." Caelyn had been sleeping through the night every night for a few weeks now - score! But, she is only little and we understand that there will still be late night feedings. It happens and we deal.

Well, I went to check on her. I could tell by the way she was moving, stretching, throwing her arms, etc.. that she was going to wake up, so I whispered quietly for Robert to come into her room. We have a monitor - so he heard me and came walking in quietly.
We both stood above her crib and watched her wake up. She was stretching her arms and moving from side to side. Finally, her little almond eyes fluttered open and began searching the room above her. Then, she turned her head and caught sight of both of us standing beside the crib. Her little face erupted with a smile.

She began to coo - she is great at her "ooo" "ewwww" and "awww." So we both leaned her crib, looked down at her, and just watched. It was like she was showing off for us. She was smiling and cooing - like she was having a conversation with us. We would just say "uh huh, say more" and she kept going - for about 5 minutes. Smiling and squealing - so happy to see her mommy and daddy.

Gone lately are the nights/morning we wake to a screaming baby. Most mornings, she is nothing but a happy baby to see us.

But, this night stood out to me because it was both of us awake with her. Both of us watched her, both in amazement. Still to this day we talk about how we just can't understand how we have made this beautiful little being. Like Monday morning we had "family cuddle time" in bed which we all love.

What a blessing our child is - I look forward to more blessings in the future.
This was just one beautiful moment in our beautiful life together as a family - but, because of this blog, it is one more beautiful moment I can remember and recall. The moment we both stood above our child and watched in amazement at the being we created together. We both stood looking at this being who has changed so much since we have brought her home. We both stood watching a little person whom we love beyond imagine.

This is love.