Sunday, January 2, 2011

Where Did It Go?

New Years Eve night, around 10pm, I had just gotten off work. I was walking through Wal-Mart picking up some Gatorade for sick Robert at home and some formula for Caelyn, as well as a few jars of baby food and some fresh fruit for Caelyn as well.

It hit me as I was walking out of the baby aisle that I am almost done buying formula. While, its a great thing because I hated that we had to use it at all and that I stopped breastfeeding, it makes me sad.
She is almost a year old. She has whole milk now about once a day since about 10 months. She does great with it. But, when she has no more formula at all, for some reason, it means..... less of a baby?
I was hit with this overwhelming urge to cry. Here I was... looking at the fresh veggies and fruits trying to think of whether to buy strawberries or apples for my baby instead of wondering if it was too early to give her oatmeal. I thinking about making baked cinnamon apples for a snack for my girl instead of a jar of mangos. It just hit me that... my little girl IS getting bigger and that does make me sad. As much as I love watching her grow and learn, I also miss that newborn. I miss that scent of a newborn, I miss her being so tiny. I miss her NEEDING her momma so much. She is becoming a toddler before my eyes and I wish with all of my heart that I could slow down the hands of time and make it stop.
I wish I could go back to this little newborn in this picture.....
But, I can't and I have to move on and watch her grow. Don't get me wrong, I love to watch it! But, a part of me gets sad as well. I guess maybe that is God's plan. Maybe he wants us to get sad so we want another baby so we still have a newborn that is dependent on us like we mothers so desire.

It is ok. I know one day I will have another newborn in my arms. I know my baby is in her crib right now safe and sound and I know tomorrow is another day to watch her grow up. Sometimes though, I wish time would slow down so we could savor the little moments just a tiny bit more!

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