Thursday, June 17, 2010

To Robert..

Sometimes, I need to explain my feelings in writing rather than in words; I tend to be better with writing than spoken words. I know you will read this because you read my blog; I thank you for that.

I know that times lately have been tough for us. My PPD has made things even more difficult; as if we needed any more stress added on top of learning how to be parents. But, I have some things to say to you which I don't say often enough. When moments get tough, remember I love you.

Thank you for being the man that you are. Thank you for loving me for ME. Thank you for being open and accepting of the things I want to do and being supportive at that. You understand me better than anyone and I love that. This last year has been the best year of my life. Our journey together thus far has been amazing. With you, I have experienced moving out on my own, creating a child, giving birth, raising a child, and creating a family. You have been there as I figured out what kind of parent I am and have been fully supportive of my move towards the more natural parenting style. Not many men can handle that; you can.

Thank you for loving my parents. I love that you love them and I love that they love you. I love that you can hang out with my parents without me.

Thank you for being an amazing father. When I look at Caelyn, I see you. I see your mother. She looks like your mother; I know she is watching us from heaven and is smiling. She is watching Caelyn grow. I wish she could be here in person to hold her, but I know in my heart that she sees Caelyn and loves her. I love to see you play with Caelyn and the smile that crosses her face when she sees you. Days when you work long hours and you come home, she gives you a smile that she gives no one else. It is precious; she loves her Daddy so much. I love to listen to you at bathtime. I listen in the living room to you talking to her and I smile.

Thank you for being there for me and understanding that this has been the hardest time of my life, even though it has been the best. I have, in a year, went from a carefree, college, sorority, girl to a natural, going-green, domesticated, clothdiapering, babywearing, making babyfood, housewife, full-time student, part-time waitress, and full time mother. It has been the best journey I have ever gone through. I have found myself with you beside me. You are a part of me.

I just want you to realize I love you for you. I love you for the headstrong, crazy, funny, quiet guy that you are. When you think that I don't love you.... well.. read this. Realize, I would do anything for you and our family and I cannot wait to see what our future together holds. I know that it will be amazing. I love you.

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