Monday, January 21, 2013

It Is Just a Season..

On Christmas Eve, I was hosting dinner at my house. My grandmother was speaking to me as I was finishing up the last few details and I was also hurrying Caelyn to go pick up her toys.
She said, nothing ever seems to rattle you. You are always so calm.
I laughed and said yeah, but I was busy, so that was the extent of my answer.

It wasn't until later, a few days later, did I really think about what was said to me.
My grandmother doesn't see me when my face is turning red after a horrendous day of tantrums, no naps, accidents, and meltdowns.
She doesn't see me when I am talking to God, pulling every ounce of strength I have inside of me to calm myself.

I suppose, when compared to how I was two years ago, I have come far. Things don't stress me out this time around. My patience with my kids has grown.
Thank the Lord - I give him every ounce of credit!!
I had a realization when Brayden was born that this baby wasn't a baby forever.
Seems simple, right? Everyone always says it, but who actually thinks about it - hard?
It feels like yesterday that Caelyn was born. I can remember the anticipation, the joy of her first cry, the moment I held her, the sweet smell of her newborn skin...
Yet now, she is this beautiful, full of life little girl who says things beyond her age most days and keeps me on my toes. She is now a loving sister.
I remember people pressuring me to "put her down" and let her "cry it out" and let her fall asleep on her own. All kinds of things that never felt right to me.
I told them no, and let it go.
She is now almost 3 and goes to bed on her own. 
I rocked her til she was 18 months old. I never told people that before I knew the judgement would be insane. I LOVED it and I didn't want to hear criticism for my choice. One day, she said she wanted to go ni ni by herself and that was the end of our rocking.

Brayden isn't the best sleeper or napper. We fully cosleep at night and we are trying to get him used to sleeping in his crib for naps before we even consider nighttime.
I'm fine with that.
The days that are sleepless (with teething - its pretty frequent!!)I remind myself, one day I will have an empty nest.
Thats so crazy to think about!
But, 15 years from now, Caelyn will be graduating high school and considering college. She might leave to go away!
Then, Brayden and any other kids that we have.
One day, we will have no kids at home and I will have no kids at my home to keep me busy at night.
I don't think there are any 20 year olds out there that go home to be rocked to sleep by mommy.

I believe God put me in this "season" of my life for a reason. I really believe God is pushing me to develop patience and to appreciate my life.
On days that you have had 5 hours of sleep in 2 days, it is SOOO hard to see into the future. But, I promise it ends. I promise you will look back and smile, thinking of the coos and cuddles you had at 2am. One day, you will be crying because all of your babies are grown not over lack of sleep.

So, grandmother, I think you are right. Little does rattle me. I have picked to look at the bigger picture, not the tiny picture. I pick to see the future. I realize that, while in the moment that darn clicking noise my daughter is making with her tongue is annoying, its not going to matter in a day. There is no use in yelling. What is going to matter is the relationship that I developed with my kids and that I teach and mold my children to become productive, God loving, loving, kind, talented, smart, just-who-God-made-them-to-be children!

I know this is quite rambled together, but I sure hope you can follow my thought process this late at night!

1 comment:

  1. I needed to read this! you had me at the tongue clicking! hah